Medical Slang and Acronyms

Posted: Wed Sep 15, 2010 6:12 pm

In the days when patients had no access to their own medical records, some slang recorded uncomplimentary or non-technical observations about them. It is also a way of insulting (humorously or seriously) other staff or depts. Medical Slang and Acronyms are somewhat a dying art, as patients have gained increased access to medical records; their usage has decreased. But here are some of the best.. catch the full list here: http://www.messybeast.com/dragonqueen/medical-acronyms.htm

AALFD - Another A**hole Looking For Drugs
Acute Lead Poisoning - Gunshot wound
Acute Pneumoencephalopathy - airhead
Amyoyo syndrome - Alright motherf*****, you're on your own (seen in head injury patients in Intensive Care); there will be no miracle recovery
Angel lust - a male corpse with an erection (not uncommon). Is also sometimes used to mean death that occurred during intercourse.
APD - Acute Prozac Deficiency (depression)
APRS - (US) Acute Puerto Rican syndrome (bouts of screaming and yelling)
Assmosis - promotion by "kissing ass"

BFH - Big F****ing Head; hydrocephalus as in a "FLK with a BFH" (can be metaphorical for arrogant consultant)
BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again
Bottle return - removing a bottle lodged in the anal canal
Bugs in the rug - pubic lice
BUNDY - But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet
Bunny Boiler - (Psych) dangerously obsessive or unbalance woman (based on film "Fatal Attraction")
Bury the Hatchet - accidently leave a surgical instrument inside a patient.
BVA - Breathing Valuable Air

CBT - Chronic Burger/Biscuit Toxicity (obesity)
CFT - Chronic Food Toxicity i.e. obesity
CLL - chronic Low Life
Code Yellow - urinary incontinence emergency
COSMONAUT - Cat Owner, Smells, Made Of Nuts And Used Tampons ("mad cat lady" with poor hygiene and body odour)
Crop Rotation - Ambulance shuttle service from nursing home to surgery and back again

DBI - Dirt Bag Index: number of tattoos x number of missing teeth = days since the patient last bathed
DILF - Doctor I'd Like to F*** (Fornicate with): Nursing slang for good-looking doctor
Disco Biscuit – Quaaludes (1980s), Estasy (2000s)
Donorcycle - motorbike: the biggest cause of donated organs! (hence reckless motorcyclists are known as Organ Donors and rainy days are Donation Days)
Double Whopper with Mayo - obese female with vaginal discharge
DPS - (General Practice) Droopy Penis Syndrome: a patient wanting Viagra prescription
DSB - Drug-Seeking Behaviour (faking illness to fuel narcotic addiction)
DUB - Damn Ugly Baby
Dude Factor - Survival scoring factor based on social worth. A high dude factor = an individual of questionable social worth who survives near-fatal injuries. A low dude factor = professional person who slips in the bathroom sustaining a fatal injury

Eiffel Syndrome - (From I-fell on it) patient with a foreign object in the rectum
ELFs - Evil Little F*ckers (irritating children)
EMS - Earn Money Sleeping (joke at expense of Emergency Medical Service)
Expensive Scare - intensive care

Fish Filet - vaginal infection with discharge and odour
FLK - Funny Looking Kid (sometimes suggests rural inbreeding)
FLK w/ GLM - Funny Looking Kid with a Good Looking Mother
FORD - Found On Road Dead
FUBIL - F**k You Buddy, I'm Leaving. The act of a doctor at a small hospital dumping a critically ill patient on larger hospital on Friday afternoon before he leaves for the weekend
FURB - Funny, Unusual, Rectal Blockage (people who use inappropriate objects as butt-plugs)

Garden - neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the "vegetables" found there.
Gardening - attending to patients in neurological intensive care.
Gone Camping - patient in oxygen tent
Gorillacillin - very powerful antibiotic
GPO - Good for Parts Only (won't survive)

Handbag positive - confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag
Happy Little Campers - children in oxygen tents
Hasselhoff – emergency patient with bizarre explanation for their injury (David Hasselhoff's had a bizarre shaving accident in which he hit his head on a chandelier; the broken glass severed 4 tendons and an artery in his right arm)
HIVI - Husband Is Village Idiot
HMS: Hysterical Mexican Syndrome
Hole-in-One - A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum.
HOP - house of pain (nursing home)
HTK - Higher Than a Kite
Hypoxanaxemia - patient with anxiety symptoms (Xanax deficiency)

I fell on it - (also Eiffel Syndrome) universal explanation given by a patient with a foreign object in the rectum
Inbreds - doctors whose parents are also doctors
Incarceritis - becoming dubiously ill when arrested or in court
Insurance Pain - Neck pain secondary to a minor car bump
IWB - Intercourse With Biscuits (F**king Crackers)

Jailitis - becoming dubiously ill while in custody or in a jail cell
JPS - Just Plain Stupid (self induced injury involving lack of common sense)

Kaiser Soze - Registrar with an uncanny ability to disappear (not answer phone or pager) when there is work to be done
KFO - Knock the F*cker Out (patient either obnoxious or screaming in pain)

Lantern Test - shine a torch in the subject's mouth and the eyes light up (no brain)
LGFD - looks good from door (but not closely examined, possibly an obnoxious patient)
LLS - Looks Like Sh*t
LOBNH - Lights On But Nobody Home
Loose Change - dangling limb in need of amputation.
LWS - (US) Low Wallet Syndrome (No medical insurance or money)

MAFAT (May-fat) - Mandatory Anasthaesia F**k Around Time, precedes any incision
MARPs - Mind Altering Recreational Pharmaceuticals
MGM syndrome - Faker putting on a real good show
MIDI - myocardial infarction during intercourse (heart attack during sex)
Milk of Amnesia - Propofol
MooMoo-Mover - the big blue sheet used for moving obese patients

NARS - Not a rocket scientist (low IQ)
Nectar of the Gods - coffee; without which many hospital services would shut down
Negative Wallet Biopsy - (US) patient transferred to cheaper hospital because s/he has no insurance/funds
NETMA - Nobody Ever Tells Me Anything (generally a doctor's gripe on a patient's chart)
Neuro-faecal Syndrome - s**t for brains
No Hopeamine - Dopamine
NPS - New Parent Syndrome

OBS - Obvious bullsh*t

Parentectomy - removing parents as an effective cure for a child's problems
PBS - Pretty bad shape
PBOO - Pine Box On Order
Peanut Butter Balls - Phenobarbital
Pharmaceutically Enhanced Personality - stoned or medicated
PHALS - Post-Harmless Accident Lawsuit Syndrome
Pillow Therapy - describes the urge to smother annoying patient (aggressive euthanasia, tontine treatment).
PLH - Pray Long and Hard
PLTDP - Practice Limited To Dead People
Polybabydaddia - a mother who presents to the ER (Casualty) dept with 8 or 9 kids in tow, most of whom were fathered by a different men
POPTA - Passed Out Prior To Arrival
Porch People, Walmart Greeters - Confused patients sitting in chairs in hall for close observation
PORG - Person Of Restricted/Retarded Growth (dwarf/midget)
PPA - Practicing Professional Alcoholic
PRATFO - Patient Reassured And Told to F*** Off
Pre-Detention Stress Disorder - a person who feigns medical symptoms when police handcuff him
Pumpkin Positive - a penlight shone into the patient's mouth/ear would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up
PWT - Po' (poor) White Trash (with a condition related to their lifestyle)

Rear Admiral - proctologist
Rectoencephalitis - head-up-own-ar5e syndrome
RPVU - Relative Porsche Value Unit: surgical index of potential income from the repair of patient injuries, usually orthopaedic in nature. Fractured finger = a windscreen wiper; a fractured hip = new tyres etc.
RTT with a BBB - Rat-a-Tat-Tat with a Baseball Bat (hit with blunt instrument).

Samsonite Positive (Positive Samsonite Test) - someone who turns up in emergency with all their luggage (and insists on being admitted to a ward)
SAS - Sick As Sh*t
SBLEO - (pronounced S-B-Leo) Suicide By Law Enforcement Officer
SBOD - Stupid bitch/bastard on drugs
Scrape and Staple - burns unit
Scratch and sniff - gynaecological examination
Scumdex - 1 pt for every tattoo, extra piercing, IVDU scar, etc. The higher the scumdex, the greater the likelihood of survival. See also TTI
Sellout - Derogatory term for plastic surgeon in private practice
SFS - Stinky Foot Syndrome (often related to homeless)
SHA - Ship His Ass (when patients refuse to be discharged).
Sidewalk Souffle - (US) suicide-by-jumping
Snow - to accidently give a patient too much medication/mixed medication so they go into an altered state of consciousness ("Don't snow that patient with Drug X and Drug Y at the same time!)
Snowed - being in a state of altered consciousness due to too much/mixed medication
Solomf yoyo - So long, mother-f*****, you're on your own (see "amyoyo syndrome")
SPAK - Status Post Ass Kicking
Speed bumps - haemorrhoids
Status Hispanicus - (US) much like Acute Puerto Rican Syndrome.
Stream team - urology dept
SWAG - Scientific Wild Ass Guess
SWI - Something Wrong Inside

TAPS - Thick As Pig Sh*t
TARFU - Things are really f**cked up
T&T Sign - Tattoo-to-Teeth Sign: survival indicator; those who are tattooed and toothless will survive major injuries
TDS - Terminal deceleration syndrome (e.g. RTA death, high-rise syndrome, jump-suicides and parachute-failed-to-open)
TEC - Transfer to Eternal Care i.e. dead
TFTB - Too Fat To Breathe
The Garden - neurological ICU where the vegetables (coma patients) live
Throckmorton’s Sign - in the unconscious male, the penis points to the injury
TLR - Two Legged Rat - refers to a patient undergoing experimental or extreme treatments
TMB - Too Many Birthdays: person dying of "old age"
Toaster - defibrillator
Tontine Treatment - Urge to put pillow over face of irritating patient (Tontine is a leading brand of pillows in Australia, also a type of will)
Tooth to Tattoo Ratio - Visual determination of basic intelligence. A positive ratio (more teeth then tattoos) is generally better than a negative ratio is bad
Train Wreck / Shipwreck - a person with more hospital visits/diagnoses then they have years of life
Transcranial Lead Therapy - gunshot wound passing through head
TSL - To Stupid to Live
TTFO - Told To F*ck Off
TTJ – transfer to Jesus
TTOAST - Take Them Out and Shoot Them
TTR - (US) Tattoo-to-Tooth Ratio (Dirtbag Ratio)
TUBE - Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination (might happen to a GLM)
TWA - third world assassins. Slang for the allegedly poor medical care delivered by physicians who went to medical school in foreign countries
Two beers - the number of beers every patient involved in an alcohol-related automobile accident claims to have drunk before the accident
TWSAM - Trash Will Survive And Multiply

UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury
UDI - Unidentified Drinking Injury
UFO - Unidentified Frozen Object: unidentified dead homeless person in the winter
UNIVAC - Unusually Nasty Infection, Vultures are Circling
Urban Outdoorsman - Homeless person

VAC - Vultures are Circling (dying)
VBA - Valuable Breathing Air i.e. what some patients or doctors are wasting
Vegetable garden - Coma ward
Velcro - Family or friends accompanying patient everywhere
VOMIT - Victim Of Modern Imaging Technology (i.e. try treating the patient, not the report from radiology; particularly referring to invasive procedures for false positives.
VIP - Very intoxicated person
Virgin Abdomen - patient that has never had abdominal surgery before and therefore has little intra-abdominal scarring
Vitamin A - Ativan
Vitamin D – Diesel (ambulance term). "Give it some Vitamin D" means drive faster
Vitamin H - Haldol; in the case of a drug addict, it means Heroin
Vitamin K - Ketamine. Also called "Special K" (street name)
Vitamin L - Lasix, Levaquin or other familiar drug beginning with L
Vitamin M – Morphine
Vitamin P - Lasix (diuretic) given to stimulate urination (peeing) in post-operative patients; can also mean Prozac
Vitamin V - Valium, Diazepam or any intravenous sedative; in General Practice it is Viagra
Vitamin Z – Zosyn or Zoloft
VOMIT - Victim Of Modern Imaging Technology (i.e. try treating the patient, not the report from radiology; particularly referring to invasive procedures for false positives.

WADHAO - weak and dizzy and hurt all over
WAFTAM - ("woff-tam"): Waste Of F***Ing Time And Money
Walmart Greeters (Porch People) - Confused patients sitting in chairs in hall for close observation
White Mice - tampons
WOMBAT - Waste Of Money, Brains And Time
WWI - Walking while intoxicated (and fell over)